Pride
“Look, Dad, this is going to be the new cover of Outdoor Photographer!”
It feels like yesterday that I showed my father the proof of this cover.
“Beautiful!” he exclaimed, with his broadest smile. And, as so often, I could almost physically feel the warmth of his pride.
I could hardly wait to place the printed magazine in his hands. I was certain he would love the article too.
And now that moment has arrived. Or rather, it should have. Because although I am holding the magazine in my hands, my father is no longer here. And I have no idea whom to show it to now.
Making Magic Together
My father was the one who first introduced me to the magic of photography. On a rainy Sunday when I was still a toddler, he spontaneously transformed our bathroom into a darkroom. Under the mysterious glow of a red safelight, I was allowed to place sheets of paper into different trays of liquid. “Careful, don’t touch, it’s poisonous!” Which, naturally, made the whole adventure even more exciting. And then, on that blank white sheet, my own face suddenly appeared as if by magic. That was the beginning of a lifelong fascination.
Language Wizard
Besides being a very talented photographer, my father was also the greatest language wizard I have ever known. He often asked me to read his texts, and I know no one who could command, play with, inhabit and possess language the way he did. My father breathed words. Just like I do. He was the one person I could show my photographs and my writing. And when he said, “Wonderful!”, I knew it was not merely the compliment of a proud father. It meant it was genuinely good.
Father and Daughter
Of course, I am proud that this photograph graces the cover of the popular Outdoor Photographer Magazine, accompanied by an extensive feature about foxes and their fascinating behavior. But what makes this image resonate so deeply is that it depicts a father and daughter. For my entire life, Father and Daughter was a given. Until suddenly, only Daughter remained.
I miss my father, not only in person, but also as my artistic mirror, my language partner in crime, my funniest editor, my kindest critic, my bespectacled schoolmaster, and last but not least, my biggest and most honest fan.
Being Seen
I regularly receive beautiful compliments about my photography and writing, so no complaints here. But however sincere and appreciated those compliments may be, they will never carry the same meaning as my father’s response.
He truly read, he read me. He truly looked. And he saw me.
The assignment was to create a kind of fox field guide about reading body language and eye contact, and how understanding fox behavior leads to more expressive and meaningful photographs.
Even now that I miss him beyond words, I use the gift he gave me to catch my tears, gather them into something tangible, and knead them into this little story.
The Originals
My Fox Fine Art Prints can be found here
Beautiful photos.I love foxes and last yesr was magic as 2 fox families lived in my garden and brought up their young..so amazing watching them frolic.Now i have an evil new neighbour who calks them vermin and wants to shoot them.I hate him so much hes destroyed my happiness and i cant relax when feeding them.
Sad about your dad he sounds lovelyxx
What a dream to have foxes in your own garden! And what a nightmare to have such a beast of a neighbor. I can just imagine how awful it is that he is disturbing your little paradise so cruelly… It seems terrible to me.
I can only hope very hard for you that his heart will eventually thaw and that he will one day (still in time) come to see the true beauty of animals, of life…
All the best and love!